Rock and a Hard Place

Thai economics play an important part in many Thai's decisions. This is the story of a friend of mine who I will refer to as T.

T is a vivacious fun loving 27 year old Thai woman that I have known for about 3 years. She is also a very good friend of Thavorn's. T makes her living as a bar girl.

Like most Thai girls, T had an early relationship with a Thai boy in her village. She has 2 children, a 9 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. If you do the math, she had the first child at 18 and the second at 21. Like many early Thai relationships it failed and I think the big stressors were children and male infidelity. T's children live with the boyfriend's mom, which is a little bit unusual as they typically end up with the girl's mother.

Grandmother's often are the primary care givers for children. It is a role they are often eager to embrace as the parents (usually the female) provide funds to the grandparent that supplement their eager incomes.

T works as a bar girl which results in an income that is greater than a Thai college or university graduate. The life of a bar girl is hard and they usually party hard as well. Their income ends up being sent home and/or spent on partying or supporting their latest Thai boyfriend. Thai women prefer a Thai boyfriend over a farang boyfriend, all else being equal.

However it is seldom equal. Most Thai men have little income and earning potential due to a lack of education and poor employment prospects. This leads to dual relationships with the Thai bar girl indulging in relationships with a farang man while maintaining a Thai boy on the side. This is not something that a farang will accept while the Thai boy is willing to accept, often dropping the girl off at the bar, knowing what she will be doing to earn money that often goes towards supporting a lifestyle the Thai boy would normally not experience.

Now, back to T. T has had her share of farangs who would of been happy to spend their lives with T. Sometimes cohabiting, sometimes in marriage. However, they are often older than T and T prefers young Thai boys. Her latest Thai boy (I will call him P) is 19 and I know him quite well. He is lots of fun and is a typical 19 year old with little education and poor job prospects. While in a relationship with P she met a 32 year old Aussie who fell deeply in love with T. I will call him L. L had a good job in Australia and was a good looking young man. However, he was a little possessive and wanted to see T all the time which meant T saw little of her Thai boy P.

Eventually L twigged on what was going on and decided T was a lost cause.

The story does not end happy. T is now 6 months pregnant with P's baby. P does not want a family but T loves P and hoped he would eventually agree to try raising the baby as a family unit. P is smart enough to realize that he will forever be poor as T can not work while trying to raise a baby. Both T's and P's mothers do not want to take on the raising of a baby. P's mom has a farang boyfriend (she is a former bar girl) and does not need the money. T's mom is quite old and is physically not able to look after a baby.

T came to realize that P would not come around to being a family man and went to the hospital looking for an abortion. The hospital refused because the pregnancy is too far advanced. T looks to the internet and orders some weird cocktail that supposedly aborts late term pregnancies. I can't imagine that it is safe.

So what does a friend do? There is no local ProChoice or adoption agencies to turn to.

This situation is not all that unusual in Asia and many of these babies end up in dumpsters.

There is free hospital births for Thais but T has to return to her village of registration but loses face by doing so. There will also be a lack of support for T in the village as her mom lives with relatives and does not have her own home. T also has no income as she can not work as a bar girl while 6 months pregnant.

Last night I lay awake for quite some time pondering what, if anything, Thavorn and I can do and what alternatives, if any, are available to T.

What would you do?