A tragic, but not uncommon event occurred on the soi I live on this week. The Marriott hotel has been under renovations for the past 2 years and is due to reopen very soon. A couple, whom I will consider to be hiso because they owned a car had an argument over whether or not the woman had a new BF. The argument continued out to the car where the man doused the woman with BBQ starter fluid while she was in the car and set her ablaze. The man ended up in flames as well as the auto which ended up toast.
Thais would appear to have very volatile tempers especially when they lose face. I have had many discussions with Thai females who don't get upset at their butterfly husbands and BF's as long as they are discrete and don't play around in the home ball park.
I decided to research the concept of face to understand why it is so important. This site has some great, easy to understand information. Here is a quote that sums it up.
'It is important to remember that many Chinese see themselves as seamlessly integrated with a wide range of other people, including their schoolmates, co-workers, and extended family, as well as their social, professional, and friendship networks.
Since Americans don't have this same strong sense of integration with an extensive community, the concept of Face is based on a kind of relationship between people that is literally foreign to us.
By explaining Face as shame, embarrassment, or loss of honor we are individualizing and personalizing the concept in a very American way, which prevents us from truly understanding it the Chinese way. An individual's loss of Face can unravel the complicated, carefully woven fabric of social relationships, what the Chinese call Guanxi, upon which every person's success in society depends.
One of the most damaging reputations any person can have in a Chinese community is to be called bu gei mianzi, which means one who does not care enough to give Face. Such a person can easily offend others because he appears not to care about their Face. This description, unfortunately, is most frequently applied to foreigners who don't know any better. Conversely, a person who is proficient in the art of Giving Face not only enhances his own Face, but also ensures the most effective possible professional and personal relations with others.
Losing Face is much more intense than suffering embarrassment or shame. In extreme cases it can be like losing all the senses, or losing one's place in life. Complete loss of Face is like full exile - you become a non-person, even to family and close friends. You can't speak or be spoken to. You can't be heard or seen. You are just not present.'
When I reflect on it, it is not much different than the principles I applied when disciplining a high school student in my classroom. Ridicule in front of classmates was not a good thing! You usually got a lot farther, faster by asking the student to step outside the classroom for a moment and talk to them outside. That left the student lots of room to save face by bullshitting what was discussed when asked by other students after class. Not in the ball park applied there as well.
The Thai concept of face applies to both hiso and loso and all age levels. Many farangs just don't get it and will loudly argue with a Thai person which will invariably attract a crowd and result in the Thai person losing face. Not a winning strategy. You must look for a win/win outcome and will not score points with the locals unless you do.
A perfect example of this was last Songkran when I purchased a watergun from a mom/pop store on my soi. I immediately discovered that it was defective and went back and asked for a new one which is what one would do in farangland. Not so in Thailand. The proprietor said I would have to buy a new one. His thinking was he had purchased 50 units and was counting on making 100 baht per unit for a total 5,000 baht profit. I tried to reason with him that he would have to bite the bullet on this one and end up with a profit of 4,900 baht which went right over his head.
Needless to say, the farang in me was getting a little steamed but I realized a crowd was gathering (farang/Thai discussions always draw a crowd). I suggested that perhaps if I paid his cost then he could supply me with a new unit. He was not happy with this but it allowed him to save face and I chalked it up to Thai business practices (Thai not go moon).
When living in a foreign country you should learn to adapt ..
TTYL
Koreans have this concept too. When I was living in Korea, prior to coming to Malaysia I was working at an ESL after-school program. The Korean female teachers primped constantly. Initially I attributed that behaviour to vanity, but it was explained to me by a Korean teacher that looking good is not about the person, but about showing respect to everyone who has to look at you - that it is a courtesy. So it was not really a sign of self-absorption but more about Face.
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