Today is father's day in Canada. Definitely a day for reflection. Back when I was married, it was a day I was given a day of freedom to do whatever I wanted without family and kids. I am not sure how that came about and today I would question why I would want that. Maybe a bad dad would want that, but I would think bad dad's would avail themselves with free days quite often.
What would qualify a dad as a bad dad? I think the qualifications would have changed over the years. Back when my dad was alive, a good dad was a good provider who went out into the world and worked hard to bring home the 'bacon' so that mom and the family could lead a good life with out worries. He also may have played the heavy in terms of discipline but would be held in reserve and used only as necessary.
I think it is much harder to be a good dad these days. I think today's dads have many different roles to play and sometimes even end up trading places with mom and staying home as the primary care giver while mom becomes the primary wage earner. It is not unusual for mom to out earn dad these days. Given that female enrollment is pushing up over 70% in many universities I would think this trend will continue.
I think the above trend will lead to some gender role confusion. An ex basketball player that I coached for many years just committed suicide at the age of 28. When I new him he was a fun loving young teenager who enjoyed life. The late 20's and early 30's are prime suicide years for males. Here is an excerpt form: http://www.bcmj.org/articles/silent-epidemic-male-suicide
Suicide in men has been described as a “silent epidemic”: epidemic because of its high incidence and substantial contribution to men’s mortality, and silent because of a lack of public awareness, a paucity of explanatory research, and the reluctance of men to seek help for suicide-related concerns. A statistical overview demonstrates a shockingly high rate of death by suicide for men compared with women, and a need to focus attention on prevention, screening, treatment, and service delivery. Promising lines of research include identification of clinical indicators specifically predictive of male suicide and exploration of precipitating and predisposing factors that distinguish male suicide and account for the substantial gender disparity. Only by breaking the silence—building public awareness, refining explanatory frameworks, implementing preventive strategies, and undertaking research—will we overcome this epidemic.
Suicide in men has been described as a “silent epidemic.”[1] It has a disturbingly high incidence and is a major contributor to men’s mortality. In British Columbia, suicide is one of the top three causes of mortality among men aged 15 and 44.[2] Among men of all ages in Canada, suicide ranked as the seventh leading cause of death in 2007.[3]
A teacher friend of mine committed suicide in Malaysia while in his early forties. He too appeared to be a fun loving guy who worried about being a bad dad because he left his adult children to follow his dream of becoming an author and business teacher. His children thought him selfish and often asked him to come back home to Canada.
The above, begs the question when do the obligations of being a dad end? Perhaps the birds have it right. When the time is right, the bird parent boots the bird out of the nest and the young bird had better be ready to fly as they are on their own. No more free snacks courtesy of mom or dad. I am not even sure dad is still around around at that time as his dad's duties may have been fulfilled much earlier :-)
My nephew also committed suicide in his early thirties. He had, much like me, fallen in love with Thailand, and had a bad experience of betrayal by a Thai woman, which I suspect, soured him on life and relationships. I truly do not really know and I wish I had taken the time to understand him. He was a fine young man.
My experience leads me to believe that most Thai men would fall under the label of bad dad for many reasons. Not surprising as may of them are raised by a grandmother in an environment where there is no father figure to model after. Many of the Thai women I know will have nothing to do with Thai men after having one of two failed relationships characterized by wife beatings and cheating partners.
I don't have much experience with hi-so Thai males other than I know there are many bars throughout Bangkok that cater to hi-so Thai males that cheat on their partners. It begs the question whether or not males were meant to be monogamous. Biologically, I think not.
The world is rapidly changing. There is a growing 'cougar' phenomenon, where financially secure women are seeking out younger men for liaisons of some form or another. I view this as not unlike the hi-so Thai males. As women become more and more financially independent from males I suspect this trend to continue. They even have their own meeting place on the net.
https://cougarlife.com/
Times, they are a changing ...
TTYL
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