Friends

Today's songs are: Bryan Adams's Greatest Hits  .. A Great Canadian Singer

I started thinking about a friend the other day. His name is Kerry and I think my best friend throughout the years, starting at grade 5 and still ongoing despite my travels and his. The memory that prompted the thought was an idyllic end of summer day, up at the lake, where we spent many summers together, being boys and doing the stupid things that boys do from time to time.  This particular day was the last day of the summer and the lake was smooth, the boat was fast, the sun was bright, and the water skiing sublime. There was a girl along for the ride, but not a friend, just passing through. It is important to differentiate between friends and those just passing through your life's journey.

I do not think of friendship the mushy way that people, women in particular do. Such as 'Aristotle's 'Two souls in one body'. A man's concept of a friend is much more simplistic.  Some reflections  ...

I think young children have it all figured out before they become children. A friend is someone they have fun with, play with, argue sometimes with, but mostly, just hangout with. The Dickman brothers come to mind, and we hung out together, night after night from grade 3 to grade 6 ish. Mark joined me later on in life on our infamous Florida trip in 1971 and his brother John joined me on first canoe trekking expedition in Algonquin park around the same time frame. I have not heard from either of them in 40 odd years. Would I still consider them friends? Yes, past shared experiences.

My best buddy Kerry arrived in grade 5 and played on all of my sports teams, throughout elementary and high school. The Dickman brothers were not into sports. John became an emergency room doctor and Mark became a career banker after a brief career as a forestry engineer that ended due to his fear of big black and brown bears that he encountered on Vancouver Island.

Throughout my high school years friends came and went. Some, like Stan Staples were friends of both Kerry and me. Others, like Tom Brock and Mike Teehan were friends of mine. High school is a time for trying on friends to see who stuck.  Mostly, Kerry and Stan stuck and others gravitated away.

If you play team sports, like football, you make a lot of acquaintances, but unlike friends, they mostly are 'friends' during the season. I was fortunate to play high school and college football. The interesting thing about football is that it attracts many colorful characters that tend to stay in your mind occupying memory cells. Some, that I think about from time to time are Russ Larose, Ken Bull, and Ken Jones. There was Orville Adams, my first black friend for a season at Carleton, fresh from a season at Boston College. There was David Green, my fellow running back at Carleton and a host of others. I mention these because I spent time outside of football with them.

My time at the Carleton University Pub was of a similar vein to playing on a sports team. The staff was like a team and operated like a team. We were the largest retailer of draught beer in Ontario and had to be a team. Mark Killoran was a good friend during that time period.

After college seems to be the time period when friends drift apart mainly due to jobs and marriage. Jobs, marriages and family responsibilities seem to occupy everyone's time for the next 30 years which inevitably lead to new friends in the family neighbourhood and workplace.

My workplace lead to friendships with Liz Klassen, Francis Liu, Rheal Dumont, Bill Fox, Steve Evraire, Gabe Massicotte, Barb Zanon, Doug McClusky, Tom D'Amiico, Michel Pitre, Vic D'Amico, and Mike Baine, and  many others. Work was a second family with me.

Brent Wilson, my business partner and close friend was also, initially a workplace friendship. We have maintained a working partnership/friendship for almost 20 years, which is quite an achievement. Ditto goes for my exPat buddy John McGrath. I have known John for over almost 40 years and he always makes me laugh.

However, I can't forget my hobby friends, my basketball coaching buddies. They are quite the characters. They include Larry Brown, Mike Bond, Ashley Coventry, John McGrath, Mike Laurie, Mike Kolberg, Steve Tierney, John Scobie, and Mike McMurchy. A common interest is almost always going to create friendships especially when you are as intense as these guys who would make up much of the coaching elite of Ottawa, not excluding David Smart  :-)

John McGrath, Ashley Coventry, Mike Bond, and yours truly just being friends

Friends are really the roadmap of your life's journey. Without them life would be a lonely trip.

However, not all friendships pan out. The saying, 'A friend in need, is a friend indeed' has a negative connotation. If you are on the giving end of that kind of relationship don't feel the other side feels they owe you and don't be surprised when they are no longer needing that the friendship slowly drifts apart. For friendships to survive, the door must swing both ways. Takers and givers don't have the ying yang required for the long haul.

Time is the true test of friendship. If  you find yourself thinking about a friend you have not seen in quite some time then send them a text or eMail and mention how much you miss their company. That's all it takes to keep it together for another few years until you meet up again.

TTYL